Starshield
Starshield is my most favorite Life Action RolePlaying Character. I have
played her for about six to eight years now. I play her two to four full weekends
a year, among which the Summoning in Holland and the Gathering in Britain,
and loose days of adventure as well. That means by now she's one of the most
well worked out and rounded out characters I have by now. Here I will share
her poetry and songs with you and the letters she has written to her friends.
I should give a short summary of her history though.
Starshield was a human first. Then during the Summoning of '99 she was changed
into a Drow by a ritual, which changed a lot of her ways of reacting for a
while. I played her that way on a few weekends for a few years including the
Gathering, but unfortunately during that time my health got worse and worse
and I now need a wheelchair or scooter or bike to get around and the makeup
got too much for me. So me and house Gul'Thoron's matron's player (Elke)
worked out a ritual in which by accident Lolth and Eilystrayee both got called
up (that will serve the Matron well for letting a ritual to Lolth be organised
by an Eilystrayee priestess) and because Rahasia allready had a few confusing
oaths to both sides of the curtain she got possessed by both. The backlash
of this ritual drained Starshield both of all magic and of all health. So
now she is a sickly human again, and House Gul'Thoron kindly let her go,
since she was of little use anymore.
She does not travel to the Gathering anymore since that is too much for
her health, but she does travel to the Summoning with a group that wishes
to become faction Light.
Summary of what you can find here:
A knife in the dark
The flower of pain
Bright darkness
The offer of love
Praise
to the house of Auvyndar
First Letter
Dirty
Durith's Desperate Deeds
Second Letter
The ballad of Kalador
Third Letter
Fourth
Letter
A Question to
Cruelty
Fifth Letter
Shadows of Grief
Sixth Letter
Dancing in the Moonlight
The power of darkness
Pride
Shades of Shadow
First Diary Entrance
Silly house
gul'thoron
Song of Shadow
Shedding the Shadow
The Crossroads
Letter
to the Renegade Drow
Starshield's Diary in the second year of the draining of magic
First Starshield was a Viking Gothia, a priestess of Freya, high priestess
and high rituals for her group. She had the responsibility of taking care
of the feeding of the men several times during the great travels they held
and such was a heavy responsibility indeed. She tried to serve her people
well but there were many frictions between her and the Vikings who were quite
mysogynistic at times. Frictions with the high priest were especially high,
especially on the calling upon the god Loki which she would do in rituals.
Then after about a year, or two, of hard service and staying with her people
in a short time she lost her husband who was killed by raiders and did a great
ritual which should have healed a great circle but because of a mistake
by her the circle completely disappeared and nothing was left of it. Starshield
(which is her priestess name) felt responsible for this and decided to leave
her people, tired of striving to do things well and not succeeding at that.
She had met a group of Svartalfir not too long ago who had enjoyed her music
greatly, a gift her own people did not prize, and who had invited her to
come with them to see the Underdark, their lands, lands of the Drow. And
she decided (maybe foolishly) to go with them..
But as it turned out, going with Svartalfir or Drow as they call themselves
without backup, as only human, is sometimes a bad idea. Starshield went with
them and soon the 'protections' the Drow told her she needed started to hem
her in, untill she was a slave, to make it possible as they told her to protect
her from the malice of the other Drow. And so it was.. And from that moment
on, now maybe 2 years ago, or 3, Starshield has been a slave of the
House Auvyndar. She is still alive though she has not been in good grace
with the House for a -long- while, and that -does- say something about her
ability to survive. And more then that, for Starshield has left the service
of Freya to dedicate herself to the service to the Goddess Eilystrayee, goddess
of song, dance, hunting, moon and swords. This was done with the blessings
of Othin and Freya, and she has done much good work in honor of her Goddess,
saving lives, taking great risks, and not always with good consequences..
During the Summoning of '99 she was changed into a Drow by a ritual, which
changed a lot of her ways of reacting for a while. She became harder, more
insiduous and stronger in politics, but she would remain not quite a drow
because she did not have the 'benefit' of a Drow's upbringing.
Then Gul'Thoron's matron's ordered a ritual worked out in which by accident
Lolth and Eilystrayee both got called up (that will serve the Matron well
for letting a ritual to Lolth be organised by an Eilystrayee priestess) and
because Rahasia allready had a few confusing oaths to both sides of the curtain
she got possessed by both. The backlash of this ritual drained Starshield
both of all magic and of all health. So now she is a sickly human again, and
House Gul'Thoron kindly let her go, since she was of little use anymore.
She does not travel to the Gathering anymore since that is too much for
her health, but she does travel to the Summoning with a group that wishes
to become faction Light.
A Knife in the Dark
She walks in the dark street, the city is sleeping,
in search of a Drow who is hiding in holes.
He'll live, cause she needs the knowledge he's
keeping,
and later she'll use him to further her goals.
Refr: A knife in the dark, tread sure but tread
silent.
Cherish the powers of fear and of hate.
Strengthen your influence by persuasion or violence,
that is what had made my people so great.
When she has finished her work in the alley,
she goes to her House, to tell of her deeds.
Her Matron says: there's no time to dally,
we'll have to move quickly, in silence and speed!
Softly they move to the House of their rivals,
no single sound can be heard in the air.
Soon the screams of the dying are stifled,
the power of the dead ones will now be theirs.
The Matron cries out: "Now my House is the greatest!".
Her pride shows like a silver gleam in her eyes.
Then she looks baffled at a knife thrust in her
breast,
and without a sound she falls and she dies.
Now she is Matron, her power is stronger,
her House is the most powerfull of them all.
All do suspect what she's done, but can't proof
it,
but she'll have to be carefull, for she too can
fall.
Tell me what's light without shadow to shine in,
what is an endless night without a day?
What is intrigue without love, without friendship?
I do not know, but perhaps you can say..
The
Flower of Pain
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, ruby red, wine
red, blood red,
with a center of the most brilliant white.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, slowly unfolding,
opening grace, curling leaves,
none will ever forget her dark sight.
Blooming in body, in soul or in mind. Blooming
within for those who can see.
Blooming because of the life that does bind the
Pain so her beauty can bloom and be free.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, rustling leaves,
sighing sound, soft moan,
with a scream hidden deep in her heart.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, pounding heart,
halting breath, ringing ears,
those are of her blooming a part.
Blooming in body, in soul or in mind. Blooming
within for those who can see.
Blooming because of the life that does bind the
Pain so her beauty can bloom and be free.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, velvet enveloping,
shy starting touch, red-growing glow,
to a shattering sharpness from which you can't
hide.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, silent shaking,
running blood, tearing heart,
till nothing else matters inside.
Blooming in body, in soul or in mind. Blooming
within for those who can see.
Blooming because of the life that does bind the
Pain so her beauty can bloom and be free.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, salt sorrow, sour
hate, sweet blood,
and a bitter brew at its core.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, salt of sweat,
salt of blood, salt of tears,
as you've never tasted before.
Blooming in body, in soul or in mind. Blooming
within for those who can see.
Blooming because of the life that does bind the
Pain so her beauty can bloom and be free.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, whiff of sweetness,
soothing smell, heady and strong,
in the middle intoxicating as lust.
Thus blooms the Flower of Pain, tangy scent, round
bouquet, pungent aroma,
overwhelming even if there is no trust.
Blooming in body, in soul or in mind. Blooming
within for those who can see.
Blooming because of the life that does bind the
Pain so her beauty can bloom and be free.
Bright
Darkness
A soft and velvet night, here black is made of
all bright colours,
Swirling scents and dark earth smell is filled
with lots of wonders.
How can something that's thought so dark for me
be yet so bright?
How can I see these stars and moons and comets
without sight?
And what has made this warm, dark world, as round
as woman's womb?
Is this my sign of starting life, or as Ivar says
a tomb?
The people, they are also dark, as dark as sky
at night,
and how come others think that evil's darkness
and not light?
For there is light in darkness here, if you but
use your eyes,
it's much more subtle, much more sweet, to me it
is a prize.
Within all the darkness here you can much better
see
the play of colours on each thing that's such a
sight to me.
This darkness is not evil to me, though this is
still true,
it makes one see much different from what humans
mostly do,
but a different vieuwpoint makes not evil through
my eyes,
for there is falseness in the truth and truth in
many lies.
So I will stay and see the colours even without
sight
and I will cherish and embrace and live the Darkness
Bright.
The offer of love
My love, how I wish I could tell you my feelings,
I wish I could tell you what lies deep inside,
but I am afraid of what surely will happen,
if all that I feel for you will come to light.
If you love me then I fear death will take us
for you will surely protect and help me.
And if you don't love me all was for nothing,
love between master and slave cannot be.
So I keep still and my tears are all silent,
I hope you will not look too closely at me.
Will you be able to read love in gesture
in silence or song or in glance that you see?
I bear these chains for sweet love and sweet longing,
I bear the cruelties of strong hearts of stone,
but I can never come close to my loved one,
and this enduring must be done alone.
Love if you think that you know what I'm saying,
do not come closer, but just let me be.
Love, I will longingly look from a distance
for only touch of eyes is safe to me.
I'll be a slave and cry all tears in silence,
you be the leader and make them obey,
that is my offer for you and for loving
that I will suffer and alive you will stay.
Praise to
the House of Auvyndar
Refrain:
Praise the House of Auvyndar, its glory shines
out through the land.
From Matron high to commoner, each of its members
proudly stand,
and basks in the green power, that this strong
House spreads all around,
its accomplishments do tower, over what is elsewhere
found.
Emerald so strong and fair, shows the power and
the might.
Hail the House of Auvyndar, may we never leave
its side.
Green might shows its skill and strength, as Auvyndar's
mighty knights
strongly battle on at length, show of skill and
grace the sight.
Shiny steel and ebony, shadows dancing in their
blade,
sharp their arms will always be, battle fierce,
with love and hate.
Strength of body and of mind, gives them all the
sharpest edge,
no stronger hearts and hands you'll find, loyalty's
their noblest pledge.
Battle fierce and never flee, defend the House
of Auvyndar,
and you, warriors, will see, that this House will
bring you far.
Green the power of the mage, gathering the energy,
looks for wisdom in each page, studying what they
can see,
books and magic pondering, practising the flow
of force,
never stop their wondering, where of power is the
source.
gather magic in your hands, let it flow and play
and dance,
show the influence it lends, on the subtleties
of chance.
Let the magic flow to aid, raise the House of Auvyndar,
and you mages, know your fate, for this House will
bring you far.
Green the colour of the grace, that this House
brings everyone,
green the power it will raise, never is its might
undone.
Matron leads her subjects to, a future where the
house will grow,
for it will be born anew, and to each its power
show.
From the Matron at the top, all down to the lowest
slave,
all will work and never stop, before they their
best all gave.
Fight and work and live and die, for the House
of Auvyndar,
for if you keep strong that tie, then your House
will bring you far.
12th day of the warmest
moon, the first year of my stay with house Auvyndar
Unto my dear friend Raven,
Greetings! I hope this letter finds you well, my friend. It has not been
such a long time since we have met at the Summoning, so I have good hope this
letter will reach you before the Gathering. I sincerely hope we will be able
to meet there again, for talking to you has been a pleasure to me, and sharing
songs and campfires with you for certain..
I do not know if I will be able to send another letter before the Gathering,
it is of course never sure where I will be in the coming time awaiting that
great event, or where you will be on your travels. Yet I have good hope, as
I said, that this letter at least will reach you, since it was not so long
ago to the Summoning and the messenger must have some idea of where you have
gone after it, into which places, and what road is yours.
I hope you are well, and have enjoyed sharing your experiences and feelings
with me. I am going to write a song about it, yet I do not know how yet. So
many things happened that I need some time to digest all new knowledge
and insight and find out what it has changed in me, and it has changed a lot...
I think that in time I will be able to better see what you have given me
through the distance time can grant, but even now, while I am still in the
middle of it, I am confused but also gratified by the impact you have made
on my resolve to find enjoyment and fullfillment in my chosen path. I am
happy that I have known you before I embarked on this path, that I was warned
about what could have happened and was able to make a founded decision. And
I am even more happy that I met you again just at a time when doubt was coming
to the front very strongly in my mind, and that you were able to shed some
light on the dark places in my knowledge and in my soul. I feel I am more
content with myself and my service now..
If I think of the things you have had to deal with, I know that I am very
lucky. The Drow I serve are civilized to human standards (and have probably
grown overly soft according to drow standards). And I am very, very
lucky they appreciate music and art so much. It will definitely keep me on
my toes, for I know that I am relatively safe as long as I write them interesting
new songs, and as soon as the well dries up, I am in danger.. I have written
my house (how strange, to think of it as-my- house.. and me not a Drow..)
a song of praise, and I saw the pride shine in their eyes. That is the surest
sign that any of them is touched by my songs, the pride with which they
listen to me and let me show my songs to others.. Do you think that I am
correct there? For never have I seen one of them shed a tear or feel along
with another. They seem completely lacking of any empathy, and yet to be
as cruel as they can be, they would need empathy. It confuses me, that doubleness..
And yet with this strange people, these Drow, I have found a glimmer of
hope. Tales about a Goddess. Tales about a warm, moonloving, smiling, singing
Goddess. Patroness of wanderers and bards and musicians. Patroness of creativity
and sharing warmth and hope with others.. Have you heard of such a Goddess?
A Drow Goddess? I have heard She is called Eilistrayee.. Her name sounds
like water or starlight reflecting in silver.. And the things I hear of Her
are only negative, for they are from the mouth of the worshipers of the Dark
Lady of Spiders, Whose name I will not call upon here for She might listen..
But a name that is so abhorred by the followers of that Lady, that name, that
Lady of Moonlight, would She not hold the light of Her people in Her openhanded
gesture? In Her smiling mouth? I hope I will find someone who can tell me
more about Her. And I feel She is watching over me. It is strange though,
for She is watching over me in exactly the same way as my Lady Freya has
been doing for years now. I even feel they are the same. The Moon Goddess,
giver of life and beauty, in whatever form. And giver of death and gentle
sleep as well. Giver of nightmares, of dreams. Of dark and light. Of balance..
She of Many Names..
I hope you are not tormented by your memories too much. As you have told
me, when I was speaking about Finlay, my late husband, sometimes it is time
to let your anger and grief show. But I have not been able to do so yet. I
will try to write another song about loss, but to be honest, I have kept the
pain away from my heart, binding it in ice and stone.. And yet I know, that
to really give yourself a chance for a new life, a chance to work through
the problems, you have to live through them, to let them come to roaring reality,
while they were stacked away safely before. That is as true for you as it
is for me. I hope you will be with friends in a safe place when ever that
happens, and I am sorry I will not be able to help you if you are not in
that case. For if you are working through those memories the ones who I serve
will only bring you more pain and suffering by who and what they are, of
only by reminding you more strongly. But if I am free or get the temporary
freedom, which I will ask for if you wish me to, I will come to you to help.
So if you are in trouble, please send me word
of it, and I will try to help, be it direct or indirect. You have already
helped me so much, I hope that some day I can return the favour, though for
your sake I hope it will not be a very pressing need..
I am afraid you will laugh at me and my language and my gratitude. I am
afraid you would feel better if I would use the simple words of a simple
woman. But I fear I am not a simple woman, never have been, never will be.
So my words will be flowery and maybe strange to you, that is what makes
me valuable in my service. The most simple way I can say it is this.. Friend,
I hope to see you again soon, for you made my heart sing with friendship
and understanding.
And even that simpleness is overly poetic. Well,
we'll have to give up on me concerning that, for I will never be able to say
it stronger. I hope I will see you at the Gathering, and that you will not
throw yourself into too many dangers in the mean time. I know you would seek
death for its own sake sometimes, and danger is a part of every life, especial…¼ly
yours and mine. But I hope you will cheat death for some time more and come
to see me at the coming event. And if you are not able to go there, for I
have forgotten if we have spoken about that and whether or not you could
make it, then it might be possible to find a messenger there who will take
you some more of my all too flowery letters..
My friend, may life smile upon you, may the Goddess
Freya, no, may the Goddess, She of Many Names, hold you in Her arms and rock
you..
Starshield
Dirty Durith's Desperate
Deeds
A song Starshield has worked upon with others,
though the delicate nature of it's contents have caused the Entertainer's
Guild to promise her name would -not- be mentioned along with it.
There once was a man, and Durith was his name,
he had no experience with the bedding game,
untill lady Mirisan to him she came, with whips
and with lashes he quickly grew tame.
She then taught him all that she knew which was
much, and by bedding her he then proved he was butch,
for her belly grew at his scholarly touch, for
her belly grew at his scholarly touch.
He soon absconded to the brave Lion's faction,
cause there he thought there would be more action.
Miscellanious ladies felt the attraction, he shagged
them so freely they soon needed fraction.
He walks with two floozies holding his arm, flaunting
his manliness, exuding charm,
'Surely two women won't do any harm.. Surely two
women won't do any harm."
He dispatched a demon by using his art, his ladies
stood watching the demon depart
and they praised his stalworth and courageous heart,
so he shagged them both in the back of the cart.
When his lewd antics were finished and through,
the demon returned and plangued him anew.
"My station's too high to be bothered by you..
My station's too high to be bothered by you."
Meanwhile Mirisan's wringing her hands, she cries
'tell me where is that bothersome man?
I'm almost despairing, I've done all I can. My
goodness I will give his hide a good tan!"
She found him reclining all nude in the Guild,
a curvaceous woman caressing his build,
a really wild woman, in sexy things skilled, a
really wild woman in sexy things skilled.
They both had no clothes on, their limbs were entwined,
she licked him all over when he was inclined,
nothing they did was all that refined, they things
they got up to blew Mirisan's mind.
Poor Mirisan wails and loudly complains "Is -this-
how you pay me for all of my pains?
Here with this floozy all tied up in chains! Here
with this floozy all tied up in chains.."
To Tarantula Council brought brought him in shame,
crying "don't you dare, rathog to do that again!"
But the wise Matron Mother spoke simple and plain,
and refused to give judgement on his naughty game.
"Take him home quickly, keep him fast bound, shag
him and fondle him on the bare ground.
Learn from his example - my judgement is sound.
Learn from his example - my judgement is sound.
Written two days
to the full moon of the colored leaves, in my second year as slave of the
Drow House Auvyndar.
Unto my dear friend, Ivar,
Greetings! I am not even sure if I should send
this to you, since I am not even sure if you would like to hear how I am
doing, and I am taking a big risk putting my thoughts on paper like this.
If this letter is found by the Drow I serve, there might be great problems.
You are one of the closest friends I have left I left my people and Raven,
who has been a great support to me, has died under mysterious and harsh circumstances.
I still fear you will never understand the difficulties of my situation, but
yet I would tell you how I am doing. So many things have happened since we
last met at the Gathering, they confuse me, but the danger will be so great..
So it might be that I will tear this letter up after I wrote it, just to
keep me safe. But writing, as I know so well, will put my thoughts in order
and show me what really happened, so it might help anyway, whether I send
it or not..
I follow the ones I serve in their quest for a
great sword of the Spider Lady, whose name I will not mention in fear that
She might hear me, and She would not be pleased with my actions.. though
after what happened now, maybe She might.. but let me tell it to you from
the beginning. House Auvyndar went to seek the parts of the great sword of
their past, and for that they traveled through the gates.. Last time we travelled
so it was to send Thalack, the one I loved, as I told you, to the Unicorns
to serve his time of imprisonment of half a year, after which they promised
he would be returned unharmed. I sorely miss that glimps of hope the lord
Thalack used to send in my heart, though his absence also makes me realise
the impossibility of my situation, and the fact that Thalack is and will
always remain a Drow, and acts differently in his own house then together
with strangers (strange of me to expect everyone to act like me and always
show themselves..). He does not realise I love him, though others do, and
I fear it if he is told by his House, for he might show other sentiments
then what I am hoping for. And what is there to be won, for if he loves me
in return it will only bring danger, and if he looks down on me with scorn,
my heart will break. Better he never know...
When Thalack was brought to the ritual circle for
the transportation ritual, which he performed himself, something strange happened.
Another man appeared, of great stature, with long blond hair that shone as
the sun, cried "Betrayer! Betrayer!" and started to fight Thalack, who was
distracted by the ritual he was trying to perform, though he defended himself
valiantly. The Matron Mother, lady Mheringue, looked on it with displeasure,
and ordered the others to defend the Patron. They killed the man, then there
was a white flash, and all of the House who were there, except for Thalack,
were planted right in the middle of a wooded area. The Matron Mother was „highly„
displeased, and ordered us to find out where we were and how to return to
our own planes. The first people we met were two knight, who were of the
Order of the Golden Rose, whose leader was called Kalador, they told us,
and who behaved very haughty and dangerous to them, as they would find out
to their grief.
For they demanded our surrender, and would take
us to their capital city. But the House would not give up its pride, nor its
weapons, and decided to kill the two knights, which was accomplished in a
few sultry moments, without any regard to live or love. It abhorred me, but
what was I to say? I realise you do not understand this soft side of my nature,
you have have been trained off of that so harshly, yet it only grows stronger
in me in the situation I am in, as the moon shines so much brighter in the
darkness then in light of day. So I looked away, and tried not to flinch,
for they would surely have laughed at me. And I should tell you more of the
Moon, for you know I was priestess of Freya, she of my people, the Wolves,
the Orkneyjar, and of women and women's things. But since I live with these,
the Drow, Her voice has grown more and more silent to me, and though I feel
She is still looking after me, Her first priority is and always should be
her people, of whom I am supposed to be a servant, not to draw her attention
from them.
And I have begun to feel the smile of another Lady,
She who is also a part of this dark, darkÐ µ3ð0:
Ðpeople, a Drow goddess, but a different one,
one of hunting and swords, yes, but also one of hospitality, of aid to others,
of the Moon, and of song.. And She is the one closest to me now, and I feel
She and Freya actually are not very different at all, and both smile upon
me. I asked Freya if She would be angry with me if I turned from her service,
which I had not given to her people for a year or more now, to the service
of the Drow goddess who was so like her, she also of Moon and goodness, Eilistrayee.
And she smiled on me and gave me Her blessing. So I have begun singing my
spells, and luckily the ones I serve have not noticed, for if they knew I
was serving Her whom they, who serve the Spider Lady, despise so, my fate
would be a much harder one. But I am alone in Her service at this moment,
for all information I have was given me by an old human slave in the service
of the House, who died soon after that. So I would find others, but am afraid
to be found out.
But enough spoken of that now, this letter is dangerous enough as it is.
So they travelled in that land, and they tried to return through an old ritual
circle, but the circle was contamina…¼ted and drained lord Kirgaar,
the First Son of the house, highest ranking among Drow men, completely
of his energy. So that was no way to return, and as we feared, only the capital
where Kalador ruled would have a circle that could transport us home.
So we -had- to travel into danger. We met many on the way, simple peasants,
soldiers of Kalador, and a group of elves who were opposing Kalador, who promised
us their help. They showed us the way to priests of Jahnost, god of
Wisdom and Knowledge, who had to hide for the tyrant who would not allow
any priests in his land. They told us that the ritualist of Kalador had bound
all magicians, priests and magical races to the circle, and was using
it to pull power from where first the circle was used to keep the Isle above
water. And a big accident had happened, which showed Kalador he needed more
power and more victims, but the thought was that the accident was no
accident and a scheming by the ritualist. And then the strange thing happened,
for they told us only a priest or priestess could undo the spells of the
circle and the ritualist, and they could not go for they were well
known by Kalador and his minions and would be found out directly.
And it was so that the House had not brought any priests or priestesses
of the Spider Lady, whose name I will not mention for fear of Her wrath,
and I was the only priestess with them, I, a lowly slave. And lord Shi'igh,
young and rash lord, asked with contempt "she a priestess? And we allowed
that?" and asked from whom I was priestess, and I answered that I served She
of the Moon, and also of my own people, Freya (I lied partly, did not
mention Elystrayee, that would have caused my death or something less but
probably more painfull). And he looked on me with a foul look on his face,
for he hates all of the surface, but had no choice but to accept. I
would come and be the priestess they needed.. and it scared me. And to show
them I was still humble and aware of my station, I served humbly, and gave
the Matron Mother her refreshments with submission and grace, kneeling.
They look down favorably on that, so a bit of yielding will always do well.
But then, when the Matron Mother was drinking, it happened, and in a flash,
she was taken by the minions of Kalador with a teleporting spell, and
we could do nothing, but now we had even more reasons to have to travel to
the capital, to find her, who would surely be connected to the circle as
well.
Then we travelled on in secrecy, to Kalador's capital, and we moved with
stealth and cunning, so none saw us. And within that city we found a ritual
circle, and a lower ritualist with the Matron Mother, who had been connected
to it. She was used by him, but stood close enough by the edge of the circle,
which had not been closed far luckily, so that I could touch her and break
the spell. So the Matron Mother was returned to the House, but (and
I will not mention this in the ballad I wrote) with a spell in the name of
Eilistrayee.. if they would ever realise or think of it... But they feel
their slave's work is their accomplishment, and luckily do not think much
further now. Which might have saved my life. For my spells saved them
or items very important to them twice again..
For all weapons had been taken from the Matron, including the strong sword
of She of the Spiders, that they were trying to strengthen, and to give power
for so long. But we went on into the heart of the palace, which was
stony and desolate, no care in sight. I was touched by the sights of stone
and no nature around, but the Drow felt very much at home there. And then
they found the lord Kalador who had imprisoned all these people and
he brought an undead monster with him. The fighters of the house quickly tried
to show him the worth of their arms, but they were sore and tired, and could
not win. The monster and the lord Kalador fought well, and to the horror
of the Matron Mother and another slave and me, soon just the three of us
were left standing. I was standing a bit to the side, for fear and empathy
for the pain of the ones I serve, and therefore was not clearly in
the eye of the lord Kalador, who went to the Matron Mother to gloat over
his victory, and then ordered her to come with him, so he could show her
what power he had gained. And then it happened..
I don't know what exactly gave me the courage to do what I did, but I slowly,
very carefully glided towards the lord Kalador, and was out of the field of
his vision. I touched him friendly on the back while he was speaking
to the Matron Mother, and he turned to look at me. And I whispered "In name
of the Lady of the Moon, I befriend thee". And so it was done, he fell to
the charms of the Lady, and saw me as his long, lost best friend. And
I persuaded him to give over the sword that the House Auvyndar held o, so
dear, and had feared lost. That was the second time I helped the house, for
what would the Lady of Spiders have done had the sword been lost? She
would have been livid I think, and done the house something terrible. And
then I convinced him to heal all of the fighters, for none of us had healing
left, we were all tired, and had already used too much magic. And so
they could walk, and I fear otherwise they would have died. That was the third
help the Lady gave the House through my spells.
Then, while I still felt bonded to that high lord, Kalador, and he had healed
the fighters, they killed him. And since I was still bonded and befriended
to him, I felt that death as that of myself, and I almost fell. It was a weak
priestess who followed the Matron Mother after that, she who was going to
seek revenge, whatever the consequences.
We went on, to find that ritualist who had held Kalador under him himself.
The Matron was very angry, wished for revenge. I was afeared of that, since
I know revenge is never a good reason for anything that needs to be
done. This man needed to be killed so he would not harm others so much as
he'd done before. But we would never succeed in that, for at the end we found
ourselves in a big, big hall where all manner of people stood, bound
to the circle. And the ritualist laughed at us, and said we had passed the
test, that he liked our game. That he was a powerfull mage, or more even then
that, not fully human anymore. And I tried to ask him why he did what
he did, but the Matron ordered my silence. So I kept it, realising he would
never fully acknowledge me anyway. And then he laughed and said he had one
final test, and then a demonlike monster appeared, with a very scary
face. And because the fighters had been healed, therefore they could win
the battle, though it cost them. And so they passed the test, but the whole
hall was falling around about us. And all who were bound to the circle
died, a massacre of unimaginable magnitude. and we, we were on a round balcony,
and it took a lot of time before we realised we were in the circle, and then
we could teleport home, just in the nick of time..
So now I wonder if i should have told the truth about She I started worshipping
only a few months ago. For I lied about Her to save my own skin. And I wonder
how I could save this House, me, the lowly slave most of them hold me
for. And would She of the Moon be glad that I saved them, and would she be
glad I saved the sword of the Lady of Spiders, who is so much opposed to
her? I have no idea, and I am afraid to ask. So that is how things are
now, and I cannot help but wonder.. Strength and weakness, surety and doubt,
lie so close together..
Friend be well, I hope you can give me some new views on all of this, if
I decide to send you the letter. Grace on You, many songs and soft moonlight
on your path..
Starshield
The ballad of Kalador
(to Idra was a princess)
House Auvyndar travelled to a magic circle great,
to say goodbye to Thalack who would travel through
a gate
to go unto the Unicorns to pay his penalty,
but strange things would then happen to the House
as you will see.
And as Thalack was leaving a man came to fight
him hard,
and all the other fighters of the House did quickly
start
defending their own Patron from his danger, but
a flash
came on to transport all of them with a resounding
crash.
And suddenly the House was standing in a forest
deep,
and saw a big road leading to a valley which was
steep,
where the capital would lie of the tyrant Kalador,
and no way for returning could they find there
anymore.
They travelled and found out that Kalador kept
all in chains
who were of magic races and gave them such cruel
pains
used them to feed the circle with his ritualist
great,
who used that force of magic to empower all his
hate.
And then they talked to priests of Jahnost who
told them that
only priestly magic could break all the might he
had,
but could not go with Auvyndar for then they would
be found,
the moment they would enter and then to the circle
bound.
But then disaster struck the House, and when they
had a break,
the Matron Mother disappeared, her life was now
at stake!
Soft and silent all the House then sneaked into
the town,
to find this tyrant Kalador and bring his power
down.
And at long last they found the Matron Mother fully
bound
to feed a magic circle, and they quickly got her
out,
with fighters and with priestess working quickly
as a whole
they freed her and went on to find the magic sword
he stole.
And then they found the lord who had used all that
evil power,
they tried to fight him but even the House's knightly
flower
could not win from the undead that he had called
to his aid,
untill the Matron Mother saw it almost was too
late.
She then touched Kalador and whispered he should
be her friend,
and he then turned around and a soft smile to her
did send,
returned to her the magical sword that the House
had held,
and healed the fighters and then by their anger
was soon killed.
With the demise of this great lord the circle fell
apart,
and all within the hall then had a most frightening
start,
but just in time they teleported out of circle's
might,
and all returned with sword and House intact to
Matron's pride.
Written on the full
moon of the first ice, in the second year of my service with House Auvyndar.
Again I have to tell of a great adventure I was
brought to in service of my House. I have taken great risk this time, spoke
my mind like a slave should never do, and yet still hold my life. I fear I
have even shown more of my use to the Matron Mother and thus angered some
of the Lords of the House. That was not such a smart move, a slave had better
be seen and not heared, inconspicuous in service, so she not be noticed when
it is best for her not to be.
We were in the Underdark, it was templeday, and
it was time for the House's service to She of the Spiders, whose name I will
not mention here in fear of catching Her attention. I never completely enter
the temple, for fear of falling under Her attention, and the Matron Mother
has noticed this, and luckily smiles upon it with amusement. So I was standing
on the edge of the cave where the service was held, when suddenly some commotion
began, and as I heared later, all the Nobles of the House had seen an apparition.
First they did not know whose spirit was speaking to them, but it soon became
clear it was the spirit of the sister of the Matron Mother. And to my surprise
I heared this sister had also been priestess and warrior for She of the Moon,
Eilistrayee, who I serve now as well, after having had Odin's and Freya's
blessing upon that.
The spirit guided us into the Underdark, and we
followed it, the Matron Mother and her Nobles, some scouts and me. And on
the route the spirit showed us, we found opponents for the swords of the House,
orcs and other enemies of the Drow, which were all killed. Every time so
many are killed without regard for life I feel sick. Yet I chose my own service.
Why the Drow? Why this House? No questions I can answer easily.
Enough about death. After a while we emerged on
the surface, and met an orc shaman of the tribe of the Spider who said he
would help us find what we sought because we had killed the orc shaman of
the opposing tribe (or something like that, I couldn't completely understand).
He brought us to a ritual circle in a cave, and did a ritual to call in Spiders
help. First the Matron Mother refused to kneel when asked to, but the shaman
convinced her to, since Spider was another sign for her Goddess. The Matron
Mother grinned and said then "So Starshield, finally you too are blessed by
Lolth". I shivered, but held my peace. And the shaman then brought us to
sleep (I wondered at the trust the House showed in the shaman, yet obviously
I do not know all about this dark people, since their actions surely would
be understandable in their own eyes). And so we started on the journey to
the spirit world, to find the apparition that had guided us.
I had been there before, wandering through the
Mists. Each time it scares me again. This time too. We were followed all
the time by moaning and crying spirits, crying out "take me back! Please
take me with you!". I shivered, the mist was so cold and lonely, it frightened
me to the bone. I hope I will be brought to another place after death then
this. Probably not to Vanaheim, Freya's Hall, anymore after the change I
have made, and I am not sure where the ones following She of the Moon will
go, but I have hope it is not such a desolate place as that was. I tried
to bless each spirit we ran into in Eilistrayee's name, but it was hard,
and once the Matron cried out in exasperation "I know we never should have
brought Starshield". So I tried to be less obvious, and therefore could not
help all. Not that it mattered much whatever I did I fear.
We met the spirit again, who asked us to come to
the Land of the Undead there first. But on our way there we met an scary horned
guardian, who was standing bold and strong on a hill near the gate to the
Land. Yet, I don't know where I got the courage, but I asked permission of
the Matron to go closer to this guardian and try to negotiate a crossing price.
And thus I did, unarmed, and he did not harm me. He wished a gift from each,
a meaningfull gift. But the House decided it did not wish to bend knee to
any, not even the guardian, who was very powerfull, and that they would fight
it. And the guardian was angered, and for a moment I thought it could not
be conquered. But the House persisted and indeed did succeed in 'killing'
the guardian (for I think it was allready part of that Land of Dead so killing
is not exactly the right word). And thus we could pass.
Then we stood in a great dark plane, misty, and
everywhere undead were wandering. Cold shivers moved over my back. And there
the apparition of the Matron's sister appeared to us again, and showed us
one undead who had been her lover or husband, I am not sure which. And she
told us we should save him for her, for only then would she help us find what
we had been looking for. The Pattern of an undead is broken, the Pattern of
Life, that which I have been taught to call the Wheel. thus undead can be
either still living or dead allready before they became such, after the breaking
of the Pattern they are neither living nor dead, something outside the Wheel.
And the ghost told us that to save this undead, four others would have to
give part of their Pattern to the undead, and thus his Pattern would be restored,
and theirs broken.
This seemed to me to be a strange way to heal a
break in the Wheel, to break more Patterns to heal one? But the Matron accepted
it all without question, and almost eagerly she told her First Son to arrange
a ritual. Lord Shi'igh was angered at the happenings, said he couldn't
„believe„ the Matron would let one slave and three Drow be used to heal a
fluffy elf? And I shivered. Would they use my Pattern to heal the undead?
This would go against all I hold true, all I believe in.. to be turned undead
would be my greatest fear, my greatest horror and nightmare. Yet strangely
enough, to mine „and„ to Lord Shi'ighs surprise, four of the noble family
gave their power of Pattern to the undead..
For the First Son performed the ritual, together
with the Matron, her healer and bodyguard and another Lord of the Noble Family
of Auvyndar. And in the ritual, which was a great horror to me, it seemed
they killed themselves, but the elf whose Pattern they were trying to heal
indeed rose again, and they themselves arose too, though I could surely notice
something was very different now, and life's Wheel had been touched in a dark
way, though I could never be sure how. And thus they chose, and I wonder how
the damage to the Patterns will be repaired now. Will it take another four
sacrifices for each Pattern to be healed? I hope not, and I fear the result
of this action.
But the ghost that had been guiding us was happy
with these actions, and told us to go back, and we would find what we sought,
namely one of the items needed to give the Sword the House had held strength.
And we returned with her help to our bodies which had been lying in the cave
of the Spider shaman, who had gone allready. And we went on our way to the
surface. Unfortunately there we met with much fighting, and two of the House's
warriors and scouts were killed. On the surface we met a lady with two helpers,
and she demanded to know what our goal was, and our reasons to be here, and
she spoke with such a commanding presence and spoke dismissively about 'males'
that I thought her just as matriarchal as the Drow are, for I know my people
would never let a woman speak thus. But the First Son of the House had not
noticed such, and put himself up as the leader of the group for the benefit
of keeping the strong Leadster unaware of our real leader. And therefore I
went secretly to the Matron and told her of my suspicions, and the Matron
came to speak to the Leadster and her words did indeed soothe her fears, after
the Matron had assured her she was not trying to enter a certain temple the
ones examining us were obviously very concerned with.
I was intrigued with this temple, and rightly,
it appeared, for later the ghost of the sister of the Matron appeared to
us again, telling us that temple that the visitors had spoken of had been
a temple of Eilistrayee, She whom I worship. But the Matron and the Lords
of the House had decided they would not travel on, and would sleep to gain
their healing and magic powers back. I saw my chance then, and told Lord
Shi'igh that I thought doing a moonritual for my Goddess would strengthen
my healing powers far quicker then sleep would (for She was so full..) and
after gaining permission to celebrate my ritual in privacy left sneaking
around the camp to find the temple in the direction the ghost had showed
us. I knew I was probably acting against the wishes of my Mistress and the
House, but I really, really wanted to see that temple, that temple that had
belonged to She of Moon and Song, of Hospitality and Hunt. For I have never
known any other that worshipped her before, except for the ghost of the Matron's
sister, and one old slave who told me of such a Goddess right before finding
her own death, so I could sing her deathsong, which would not have been performed
otherwise.
I sneaked to that temple, and was planning just
to beg admittance if it was guarded. And it was guarded, by the same strong
Leadster I had seen earlier, and she laughed, told her underlings "ah the
slave is hoping to find Eilistrayee here.." and laughed hard and loud. And
she grinned at me and said "I hate to disappoint you, girl, but your Goddess
is dead." But I could not accept that, though I did not tell her. She is alive
in the Full Moon that blessed us that moment with silvery light, in healing
and hospitality. But I did not answer, I held my peace so she would not feel
the need to fight me with more then hopeless words. Then a man entered, and
his energy felt very much like that of the ritualist of Kalador we met at
earlier adventures, and as you will see, that intuition was not far wrong,
though I would have done much better to keep that in my mind instead of pushing
it away again. The lord was called Master by the woman who had laughed at
She of the Moon, and I smiled a secret smile, for her society was thus not
as matriarchal as I had thought. And the lord told me to go back to the House
I serve, and give them a message. They were to come to the temple the next
night, to gain an item he showed me, a crystallized teardrop, which had been
part of the Sword. And thus it happened, and still I did not gain access to
the temple.
I told the Matron of my message, and she decided
have the House move to the temple the next night. She of the Moon was even
fuller that night. And again the guardians of the temple would not let the
warriors pass, and before I could offer my services as go„between to negotiate,
the Matron had ordered the attack. And the knightly flower of the House fought
valiantly, but could not win over the might of the attackers, and all were
killed. I saw the Matron's Healer fall, and tried stealthily to move in a
circle around the fight to try and heal him. And I reached him without mishap,
but when I tried the healing, nothing happened. I shivered deeply a moment,
fearing the Goddess had turned away Her visage from me, but I still
felt Her blessing. Then I understood She could not heal ones whose Pattern
had been broken, and could not do other then let the force of Healing return
to the earth. And thus all were felled, and I could not do other then watch
and shiver. And strangely enough, the guardians did not touch me, but surrounded
me, laughing.
And they said "Ah, here she is, that fluffy healer..
Come along to the Temple girl." And so I was to see that temple after all.
And the bodies of the unconscious Nobles and others of the House started drifting
towards the temple, an eerie sight with the blood of their wounds making
a trail along the floor in crimson drops. And they were layed out there,
a breathtaking mausoleum of dead or almost dead Drow. But then the lord I
had spoken to before entered, and I looked on him breathlessly, and he smiled,
and touched all those lying there with a soft touch, and they stirred and
breathed
again, and I could discern no wounds on their flesh,
they looked rested and whole. I looked on with wonder, for this lord had healing
powers beyond all I had ever seen, and then he smiled and said to all of
us "I think you don't remember me, but even so, you should still know me".
And I answered, almost breathless "the ritualist of Kalador!". And he smiled
at me and nodded, and for one split„¼second I felt glad he would send
such a smile to me, and would lay my soul at his feet. But then I remembered
how many he'd sent to their deaths, and how casually he was playing with
these, my House, and his awesome healing powers were those outside the Wheel
and the Pattern, and I hardened my heart and looked at him with narrowed
eyes.
And there it wass that I greatly overstepped the
boundaries of my status of slave, for I was angry at him, yet he asked questions
and I thought speaking with him would give us further knowledge of this dangerous
man. But the ones I serve, the Drow, only grumbled and did not answer him,
and looked on with anger. So I spoke when he asked what we had accomplished,
even though it was not my place, for the Drow felt we had accomplished nothing.
But they were so used to the darkness, they could not see the bit of light
I felt inside as a good thing. Thus I answered that there had been healing
done, and the saving of lives. The lord Shi'igh was „very„ angry with me for
speaking, and asked the Matron could he finally kill this uppity slave? But
though the Matron looked at me angrily, instead of punishing me she had me
explain what I meant. And I told her I meant it in a personal way, that I
felt I had gained much, the saving of lives (and what I did not tell her,
finally finding the old temple of Eilystrayee where we had been standing,
for I had had no sign of Her before except for those stories. I saw some of
the Lords of the House look at me angrily for overstepping my bounds, but
none spoke against me to the Matron. And I spoke with the lord, the ritualist
of Kalador, in cautious and soft tones, but also with sarcasm, and he
deigned to answer, and told how he had been behind the whole adventure we
had come through, how he had been the Spider tribe shaman to put us to sleep,
how the first time we had woken up had not been real, but still a dream,
and how those of the House that were killed were not really dead, but held
in his thrall.
He said he would restore each to health, under
the condition we would get a sword for him from a tomb. He said the sword
had despicable good runes on it and he'd like to have it to destroy it. And
even though the Matron felt loath to do anything for him, she agreed for
the sake of the killed ones. And we moved again, through darkness, though
I find my eyes are growing more and more accustomed to it, and the harsh
light of the sun is indeed sometimes a bit uncomfortable after having been
in the Underdark for long, though the soft silver light of She I worship
will always be a joy to me. And we reached a tomb, and there were two guards
standing in front of it. And the Matron ordered the attack, and while the
knightly flower of the House was fighting the guardians, who seemed like
statues and proved to be undefeatable, secretly I snuck into the grave. And
there I saw the spirit that had been guided us. And she whispered to me "Please,
do not violate my grave, leave, sister.. leave". Her voice was icy, the whisper
hard to discern, across the chasm of death. I felt my blood run cold. Yet
I spoke to her "Lady, please, I have no wish to violate this sacred ground
nor your rest, but your House has great need of the sword you hold". For
her body was lying there in state, though it was still fresh it was old as
I had been told, which shows more of Her great powers. But the spirit whispered
'No child, NO. Leave now." And so I did.
And as I stepped out of the tomb, I gasped, for
I was faced with carnage. The guardian golems had been undefeatable, and all
in the house except for the Matron and the mage were lying on the ground.
And the Matron was ordering the retreat. But the guardians did not see me
or take notice, I could pass unchallenged between them. And I saw all the
others of the noble House were lying dead, except for the Matron. And I went
back, in what looked like a fit of indecision, though the Matron was calling
after me. Another disobedience. I am surprised I still live. And I spoke again
to the spirit, though cold tremors were moving through me and I was very
very scared. And I asked her to reconsider, since the lord might heal all
who had been killed now, which included many of her family. But she refused,
told me to go again. Maybe she refused to test me, if I would really desecrate
her grave to get at the sword. Maybe though she changed her mind under the
pleading of the spirits of her family that had now reached the same realm
she was in. In any case, when I turned and left the crypt, passed the guardians,
and stood in front of the Matron shaking my head in sign of my failure, suddenly
the sword appeared in my hands.
The Matron was so angry, she ranted, said she'd
never give the sword to the lord who had asked us for it, anything but that.
I looked around, at all the bodies, and shivered, thinking how many would
be dead because of it. I begged her to reconsider, and she did, and we went
on our way back with the sword to give it to the Lord. Yet I agreed that it
would be a bad idea to give the sword to the lord, who I thought wanted to
destroy it. And when we came back to the temple the lord grinned as he saw
the sword in my hands (for the Matron tried holding it but it made her very
uncomfortable). And then I felt so incredibly angry at this lord, who had
been playing with lives like this! Who played with pain and need and death
and dreams, and did not take care for those he played with, we were just
his puppets. And I held the sword as a warrior would, even though I have
not had much training. And I moved the sword mockingly as if to stab him
in the belly, and said 'Maybe lord, we should give the sword to you like this!".
And then something surprising happened.
For the lord stepped back, and alarm was visible
in his face, and he started talking fast "Oh but there is no reason to be
so angry, give me the sword and all will be well". And I took another step
forward, and said low "oh no, Lord, I don't think giving it like this will
be wise. I have learned much from the Drow, and I think the Matron and you
will have to negotiate the terms of us giving the sword over." And the Matron
smiled at me, and I suddenly saw respect for me in her eyes. And she then
negotiated with the lord, demanded that all the House would be brought alive
and well back to where we started out of dreams before the sword would
be handed over. And the lord asked how was he to be sure we would give over
the sword? And then I stepped forward again, being again disobedient and going
far beyond my position as a slave. I said "I think you both know my ways
by now. I will give my word. That will be enough maybe." And indeed, the
lord smiled and said he would accept that. And I was honored by that, even
though I know both the lord and the Matron thought me despicable for being
as I am. Yet the Matron was angry at the words I brought forward and said
"Listen slave, you are only to give your word if I tell it, come with me
and we wiill speak". And she moved with me to the side to talk, and I saw
she was angered at my forwardness. For the second time I am surprised to
be alive.
And while we spoke, a plan had formed in my mind.
For now I knew a bit of how Drow thought, and told her, that even though I
gave my word, it was of course not sure how Drow would take a simple slave's
word. A slave is worth very little to a Drow, either alive or dead. For them
of course it would not excist. I saw her brows lift, she was close to understanding
what I meant. And then she asked how was she to make sure I would obey her
wishes? And I told her once my word was given I could not obey her wishes
anymore, and would have to do my best to give the sword to the lord, and only
death or
unconsciousness or paralysation could stop me.
And I told her as Matron she held my life in her hands. And she nodded. She
knew I would give my word, and expect her to stop me from giving it over
at the right moment, by magic or the sword.
And thus it happened. The Lord brought all the
House, including the ones that had been killed, back, and brought us back
to the temple, and his promises held, I held out the sword to him, not knowing
for sure what I would pay for my forwardness, but bracing myself. And I felt
a dagger enter my back, and under great agony I slid to my knees, to unconsciousness.
When I woke up we were at the House's temple, everyone
was alive, and I had been healed. But the sword and the lord had both gone.
And the mage, the other one who had been left alive at the end, was kneeling
at the Matron's feet. And he was the one to pay for words as critical as mine
had been, but he was to pay with his life, while I had been payed with respect.
The Matron cut his throat, and left. And my hands itched to try healing,
but the other Drow would not allow it. And I felt it strange that my words,
which had been worse then his, would be accepted by the Matron so differently.
For the third time I was surprised to be alive. I also noticed that the Lord
Shi'igh was very angry with me at being so forward and uppity and free in
my speach, and looked at me angrily. I know I have made an enemy, one who
is angry at me, and who will want revenge.. And I was told the lord had been
able to take the sword back from the Matron by magic, and had told them he
would come to help the House once more as payment for his games. But only
once. Were we to see him a second time we would know something was wrong..
After counting out so much time it was almost too
late, and barely on the threshold of final death, I was allowed to heal the
mage, who looked up at me with veiled eyes, knew how close he had come. And
I wondered about the lord, who would do us a favor for the games he had been
playing. Maybe he knew of the Balance after all, that all that you give out
that is not balanced will return to you three times. He was making sure his
deeds to us were not unbalanced. I wondered if the lord was as evil as I thought.
But he had taken so many lives.. And I wondered if I were as good as I had
hoped. For I had used my word in a way of trickery. Even though it was not
my actions that tricked, I have shown the idea to the Matron, and have played
with the nature of the Drow to reach a goal I thought worthy. I hope I am
not tainted. I hope my word is still worth trust to others. But I cannot
be sure.
Written on the 10th day
of the moon of the budding leaves of the second year of my service with House
Auvyndar
Unto my dear friend Ox,
Greetings and blessings on thee! Finally I find
the opportunity to write you, my dear friend. It has been some time but I
have not found the way to get this letter out without bringing too much notice
to it, though it has of course gone with the permission of the Matron Mheringue,
whom I serve, though I doubt she knows the contents of this writing. Oh truely
it has been a long time since I have seen you, my dear friend, though I think
of you and your Master often. I hope he is well, as I find the House I serve
in good state and well, despite some trouble they have found themselves in
lately which I would do well not to speak further about.
I have spoken to you about that lady whom I serve?
that lady of changes and of mystery, even greater then the one who will think
if she reads this that is referring to her since I referred to her allready?
I should have told you before.. but to me.. she has changed to one with a
distinctly Drow face.. But a gentle face.. Songs and swords.. what better
would fit my soul?
I have had the luck lately of spreading her fame,
and bringing even others to the fold. Important others I may add.. But unfortunately
I cannot tell you too much without giving too much away.. So I will keep it
vague and just tell you how honored I feel to have been of such use to her
and to have made such impact, even for one who is a humble slave...
Thus you can see i am doing well, and feel my songs
and art are a great help in times of need to others, even those of the House
I serve though they keep looking down on me so sternly. I know it is the way
of Drow and that I have to get used to it, and thus, in time, I will do so.
I am sure in the end I will find a way to adapt and to still grow despite
the lack of light and green around me. I am also very gratefull I have witnessed
no further great cruelties as I have before, so I count my blessings.
I wonder how you are my friend? And I hope we will
see each other again at the Gathering? I have asked about the Moots but I
fear the House I serve will not be travelling to the surface then.. So I fear
the only time we might meet again will be at the Gathering, though I will
be visiting other worlds at the Summoning and such places, which I am looking
forward to.. Ah for the gentle caresses of the light.. I fear the continued
remaining in the underdark, especially in the damp places and the smoke and
stale air has been harmfull for my lungs and my breathing has not flourished
under my slavery, in fact has only grown more and more laboured. I hope my
singing will not be affected soon for that would really bring me in a very
difficult position..
I hope to hear that you are well, and that we will
see each other again soon, my dear friend. I am missing your objectivity and
advice, and humor mostly even. Be well, serve well, and my Lady shine upon
thee..
Starshield.
A Question to Cruelty
Lady Bright, I ask Your help, I ask Your help,
have you seen the cruelty of these people?
Lady Bright, I do not see, I do not see
why anyone could cause such pain.
Refr: This death is beyond anything
I'd wish to the most dark ones.
And I cannot stop remembering
what these people would do with such power,
what these people would do with such might.
Lady Bright, can You tell me, can You tell me
where I'll find the one who is this dark?
Lady Bright, please show me how, please show me
how
I can stop her threat to life.
Lady Bright, will You help me, will You help me,
for the sake of the ones who dance beneath the
moon?
Lady Bright, give me Your aid, give me Your aid,
I seek the safety of our dreams,
I seek the safety of our dreams,
I seek the safety of our dreams...
Written on the 10th
day of the moon of the budding leaves of the second year of my service with
House Auvyndar
Unto my dear friend Ox,
Greetings and blessings on thee! Finally I find
the opportunity to write you, my dear friend. It has been some time but I
have not found the way to get this letter out without bringing too much notice
to it, though it has of course gone with the permission of the Matron Mheringue,
whom I serve, though I doubt she knows the contents of this writing. Oh truely
it has been a long time since I have seen you, my dear friend, though I think
of you and your Master often. I hope he is well, as I find the House I serve
in good state and well, despite some trouble they have found themselves in
lately which I would do well not to speak further about.
I have spoken to you about that lady whom I serve?
that lady of changes and of mystery, even greater then the one who will think
if she reads this that is referring to her since I referred to her allready?
I should have told you before.. but to me.. she has changed to one with a
distinctly Drow face.. But a gentle face.. Songs and swords.. what better
would fit my soul?
I have had the luck lately of spreading her fame,
and bringing even others to the fold. Important others I may add.. But unfortunately
I cannot tell you too much without giving too much away.. So I will keep it
vague and just tell you how honored I feel to have been of such use to her
and to have made such impact, even for one who is a humble slave...
Thus you can see i am doing well, and feel my songs
and art are a great help in times of need to others, even those of the House
I serve though they keep looking down on me so sternly. I know it is the way
of Drow and that I have to get used to it, and thus, in time, I will do so.
I am sure in the end I will find a way to adapt and to still grow despite
the lack of light and green around me. I am also very gratefull I have witnessed
no further great cruelties as I have before, so I count my blessings.
I wonder how you are my friend? And I hope we will
see each other again at the Gathering? I have asked about the Moots but I
fear the House I serve will not be travelling to the surface then.. So I fear
the only time we might meet again will be at the Gathering, though I will
be visiting other worlds at the Summoning and such places, which I am looking
forward to.. Ah for the gentle caresses of the light.. I fear the continued
remaining in the underdark, especially in the damp places and the smoke and
stale air has been harmfull for my lungs and my breathing has not flourished
under my slavery, in fact has only grown more and more laboured. I hope my
singing will not be affected soon for that would really bring me in a very
difficult position..
I hope to hear that you are well, and that we will
see each other again soon, my dear friend. I am missing your objectivity and
advice, and humor mostly even. Be well, serve well, and my Lady shine upon
thee..
Starshield.
Written on
the 19th day of the Moon of the Blossom of my second year in service of House
Auvyndar
Unto my dear friend Ox,
Greetings. I take a risk writing you, but I need
to speak or be ever silent. I hope there will no repercussions to this letter
as the Matron is sure to read it before it goes out, but such is my will to
write you I will not let myself be stopped by that. Fate has chosen to show
me a different face and my tries to bring light in the darkness have brought
me pain.
It is hard to tell you without seeming a hysterical
slave who does not know how to handle the displeasure of the ones she serves..
And maybe that is what I am, a hysterical slave.. Yet I need to speak out,
for I am slowly drowning and I have no other way to try and find a way to
express myself, or even find a way to keep me afloat. Sadness is taking me
and the ones I serve only laugh. And as I ask why they do not kill me they
answer me 'not now'. I am truely only alive now for being the Matron's toy..
I should tell you what happened. For it is really
my own fault and there is none to blame for this but me. I, in my deep foolishness,
have seen fit to try and heal those the House had harmed in their casual cruelty,
but also in circumspection so they would not attack them or remain attacking,
since I could not walk past without hearing my heart weep for them. And one
of those I healed, instead of lying still and playing dead, as i had told
him in deep silence, not having been noticed in my unfit occupations, did
not do so, but instead attacked the House again.
I will never forget hearing all members of the
House cry out "STARSHIELD!" in one big voice, and seeing all males run towards
me with faces drawn in anger and see swords flashing in the sun, for we were
on the surface then. The last thing I then knew was the flash of swords coming
down and great pain and fear.
When I came to I was bound and chained, and the
Matron was leading me by the collar this time, on a chain, something she had
not done since I first have set foot in the underdark. I have lost the little
of trust I had in the House. And having been advisor, and one who angered
the Lords of the House, life has not become easy to me. I am still led by
chain though I at times am released. The hardest thing is though, the hard
words and contempt with which I am treated now even more then before. My
new name is not Starshield, but slug.. The Matron looks on and smiles..
I have written a new song, I would share it with
you. My singing has not grown better and only dark whispers and sad melodies
will flow. Such is the song too.
Shadows
of Grief
My lute will soar no more in flight, cracked her
voice will only be,
Nevermore my heart will see the light, of the joy
of being free,
And grief envelops me so tight, in pearl grey velvet
folds it holds me.
I see no hope left inside my heart, no will left
to keep to the strife,
Pierced my soul is sharply by the dart, by the
poison of a shadowelven knife,
And nevermore I will take part, in the soaring
singing joy of life.
But still i know I should hold on, carefully my
time should bide,
Keep the hope inside me strong, memories of love
and light,
Soaring strength of song, wheel of moon and day
and night.
But hope is hard to find and keep, stars shine
dimly in the dark,
and now it seems my name is buried deep, covered
by a fear and terror stark,
And it keeps robbing me of sleep.. I cannot flee,
from shadow's mark..
That is the new song I have written, and
all I know now. The thought of you, and the hardships you have known, and
the kind of man you have become, is a great support to me now. A sword has
to go through the fire to gain the sharpest edge. And I hope such is the
way of my trials now, for if they have no reason, I would not know where
to find release.
I hope to meet thee again, be it soon or not soon.
I understand I am still to go to the Gathering with the House even though
I have lost favor. Being one of the few surface specialists they have.. But
I am not sure if I am still able to serve.. Maybe I should try to find release.
I hope you will think of me my friend, as I do think of you. Be well I pray,
so one of us knows joy.
May the Lady guard us both.
Starshield.
Written on the day of Midsummer in my second year of service with House
Auvyndar.
Unto my dear friend Ox,
Greetings.. It has been a long, long time since
I dared write again, It must have been two moons or something similar since
I wrote.. The reason I am able to write now is the Matron is asleep. That
seems a strange reason, yet it is a very important one for me. Only when she
sleeps do I have freedom of thought. Only when she sleeps am I able to dream
freely. Yet only in waking dreams can I dream freely. Even my dreaming at
night is touched, shadowed. Times are hard..
My dreaming is dark, my waking is dark. It is hard
to find a ray of hope, a ray of light. Even on this day of Midsummer, when
the light is at it's strongest, the power of the sun greatest, I am surrounded
and ruled by shadows.. Every waking moment, the Matron knows my thoughts.
Or at least knows when I am thinking things that will harm the House or that
she would not approve of. And every sleeping moment, I fear the touch of Nobeel.
Of his games. It is not every night he hunts me, plays with me, but it is
often. And every evening before I lay down to rest I need to find the courage
to close my eyes, and enter the shadowy land of dreams..
But enough of this, there is no time for such.
The Matron might awake any moment, and the letter has to be sent and forgotten
then. I should hurry with it. And I hope I will be able to forget the sending
and writing of it. Or connect it to things so trivial the Matron will get
bored and not suspect what I have written in here. I should tell you how this
all came about or you will never understand it.. After the disastrous happenings
I wrote of to you when I had healed one who betrayed my work, the Matron
was very angry, and made my life quite hard. I lost my name, was called 'slug'
a long time, and still I am only 'slave' or 'hey you' and not Starshield..
And then when there was time the Matron did a ritual with me. It was a hard
ritual, I will not go in the details here, but I still dream of it at night
at times. And in that ritual the Matron bound my mind to hers, so that she
would get warning whenever I would even think something unwellcome to the
House. And thus I learned to tread carefully. VERY carefully, and control
my thoughts.
Whenever I work against her will, try to heal someone
she does not approve of, like any elf that is not of the shadows, she will
give me a pounding headache. I have noticed so at the meeting of the factions
of the Summoning where I have been taken to about a moon ago, Every time someone
would inquire after me I would have to say I was very well since she would
hear it and warn me not to betray her on punishment of great pain. And there
were those who were worried about me, since some of that faction, which does
not use animals as symbols as those of the Gathering, but elements, in this
case water, knew me from before and wondered at the state of sadness I was
in. Yet I was carefull to speak only in riddles and never be too clear so
the Matron would not be alarmed. I hope I will be able to hold this out longer
for it is hard, very very hard to live every day with such control, to work
around such shadows.
The Matron was not at the meeting of the Water
faction, of Leviathan, but she did listen through me. And maybe through others
as well though I am not sure. We stood far apart from the other factions
in a camp and I was glad with the relative freedom it gave me, being chained
only to my chair and no further was good, and I was given enough room to move
about. I could practise my songs, sit in the sun, and find a bit of rest
that was hard found in the last days. And speak to others, teach them songs,
learn new songs. It was good. Yet there were troubles as well. The faction
had decided to stand a three days' walk apart from the rest of the factions,
which was a far way and it was a bit scary to know as there were many of
the races of orc and goblin active in the woods at that time.
The faction of water, of Leviathan, was to work
together to strengthen the element. Therefore a sacred spring was found, from
which water was taken, and a platter was found that was needed to do a rite
to call for strength from the Elemental Prince of Water. Water had been weakened
as an element since the last time the faction was together, and it was time
to make the bonds strengthen once more. The whole faction worked together
to reach this goal, among them were the drow of my house and of house Darkshae,
who for a change worked well with the people of the surface to make the faction
stronger. But, to my great grief, there were two others looking for the platter
and the water, being the mages Kareel and Nobeel, both nephews or brothers,
I do not know which.. One was a lord of Undead, a powerfull necromancer,
going against the Wheel. The other was Lord of the Shadowy Lands of Dreams,
as I would find out to my detriment..
In a scrollcase, a live scrollcase that would speak
to us, which opened of it's own volition, we found a scroll in an old, old
script, to which we had found translation keys in the library. And the great
ritualist of our house was second only to our faction leader, Bedarf, and
he found that all mages and sages were trying to translate the scroll at the
same time and brought great confusion to themselves and others. So he thought
out this plan to keep the translation of the scroll in one hand, and since
I had had great experience with such and he thought no one would suspect
me to be that one, he gave me the assignment to secretly work on this scroll
so no others could see it. And at the same time the rest of the faction was
to participate in a ritual to bless the water bowl that had been found, so
I would be left alone, guarding the camp, and secretly translating the scroll
as fast as I could. And I did, went to work fast, and the others went away.
I was halfway with the translation of this scroll
when suddenly the two entered who had been trying to find the bowl of the
element of water, Karek, the Lord of Undead and Nobael, the Lord of Dreams,
though at that moment I did not know well whom they were. And they laughed
as they saw me, and I kneeled to them, quickly hiding the papers I had been
working on in my songbook. And what usually happens happened this time as
well, a slave is not seen as a threat, or as anyone holding any danger to
others, only one to be despised, and they did not even suspect I was working
against them and not just a small cringing slave. But they both laughed and
wondered why not play with me or use me now? And the Lord of Dreams gave me
great, great pain, whose equal I have seldom known, not even under the whip
of the Matron, and I cried and bowed deeper, hiding my face. And they laughed.
They laughed, and then left again, leaving me to
guard the camp, telling me they would be back for me.. and I was afraid. Yet
I knew this scroll had to be translated, so I tried to calm myself, and my
fears, and went to work on it again, and in another time had it translated,
finally. I heared the chanting of the ritual the rest of the faction was doing,
and it was clear it was time to go there, but I also had great fear of these
two Lords, who would surely be there and then know I was not as innocent
as I had tried to seem to be. And indeed, just when I came there the ritual
had been finished, and the two were there and were demanding the dish of
water from the faction ritualist, Bedarf, who did not give it. And there
was battle between our people and the minions of the Lord of the Undead, consisting
of horrid beings made of rotting flesh and bones which made me gag.
And there it happened. The Dish of Water was defended
only barely by our people and the two Lords were NOT pleased. The paladin
of Eiriu, Aleidar, gave the two Lords a great fright by battling them with
love, kissing them on the cheeks, which they could not handle very well. They
were very disoriented and it seemed the battle was going to be won. But one
of them laughed as he saw me and I could do nothing but cower, it was too
dark to really run, and trembling I moved back untill my back was against
a tree, and the Lord of Dreams laughed wildly and touched my brow, and his
fingers spun a web of dreams inside my mind, the most wonderfull, colorfull,
sweet, lovely dreams I have ever had. The last good dreams I will have in
a long time. For with that touch, with those dreams he has entered my subconsciousness
and holds the key to that world of night, and I cannot escape him anymore.
Therefore I do not know what happened after that for I was far away, wandering
lands of great wonders, and when I got back to reality the battling was over,
and the dish was safe.
The next day the faction went searching for the
place where the necromancer was staying, but before we got there we had to
pass a group of woodelves. Those of my house were very angry when the woodelves
demanded they give up their weapons and would move on bound and held. Of course
a proud Drow would never be able to accept this, and the woodelves were not
so gentle as to make exceptions to their demands. When they started a ritual
the great warriors of my house tried to kill them all. Luckily later they
were healed by the others of the faction, and though I tried healing one
the Matron would not let me do such and I had a great headache. After a long
search we found the place where lord Karek was staying, and I saw Nobael
for moments and cowered, but to my great luck he disappeared again, and while
I tried to get myself together to continue the group found the other artifact
that was needed to serve Leviathan, the elemental of water, well, the mirror.
There a ritual was done to heal one of us who had been very wounded and who
could not be healed by me or any of our other healers. And thus both the
dish of water and the mirror were found, so great Leviathan could be served
better.
Those were the happenings at the Moots of this
year, which was about a moon ago. The House I serve returned to the Underdark,
and I have sorely missed the sunlight for a long, long time. After about a
moon (though it is hard to judge time in that dread place) the house Auvyndar
returned to the surface, to the castle where lord Flit, scout of the house,
had lived, and that he even had helped build for his own house. The great
warriors of the house went through the castle of house Cullicut as it was
called, and as I sneaked away at first so I could have a quiet look around
(no one suspects a slave usually, but I was captured after a while and brought
away when the warriors of the house ran into those who were taking me and
I was returned to the group). I found some of the ways around the castle,
and the map Flit had given us helped with the rest. So the warriors of the
house killed all the nobles of the house. Flit was nowhere to be found, though
he promised he would be here to help us, so I wonder if he fears that he will
be killed as well, since the takeover of a house is only succesfull once
all nobles of a house are killed and no witnesses are left..
I have acted very carefull at this battle, and
was hacked down several times during it, and did not heal those dangerous
to the group, only those of my house, since I was afraid and the pain of
my treatment is still strong in me. So now the House Auvyndar holds a new
castle, and this time it is on the surface, so I can enjoy the sunlight at
times, and the light of She I serve with joy.
My dear friend, I pray you, if you get this letter,
of which I am not even sure if it will reach you, speak of this mindlink with
the Matron to no one for it would be surely seen as betrayal that I would
speak of it. But it is so hard feeling this battle in my mind, between Nobael
and the Matron, and no moment is mine to think as I fully am. I do not know
how long I can bear this, but I will have to if I am to keep on doing as
my Goddess bade me.
May the Sun and Moon shine on your path. May She
of the Moon guide and guard you.
Starshield
Dancing in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight, dancing round the fire,
Dancing in the honor of the Goddess of the moon.
Dancing wild and gently, jumping ever higher,
Dancing wild and lovely to the music’s haunting tune.
Refr:
Swaying as the water, turning as the air,
Leaping like the fire in the joy of full moon night.
Stamping feeling earth under our footsteps everywhere,
Dancing in the robes of beams of Moon’s silvery light.
Running through the woods, as we follow the fleet dear,
Hunting for the meat to feed our circle members all.
Bounding through the forest our prey runs all mad with fear,
Untill finally in a quick death the deer does fall.
And then there is singing for which we all cared,
As we sing the songs of the sweet soft surfice life.
And with that the stories and the dancing is all shared,
Turn and dip and slide and sway and step and turn and dive.
Starshield
The Power of Darkness
The Power of Darkness is strong and is deep,
The power of darkness is stronger then light.
The power of darkness will us safely keep
The power of darkness does help in our fight
Refr.
So sing of the strength and the beauty of shadow,
Sing of it’s power, it’s depth and it’s might.
Sing of the beauty that touches and hides all
Sing of the power and beauty of night,
Sing of the power and beauty of night.
The power of darkness is power of seeds
That lie in the earth to awaken once more.
The power of darkness is power of deeds,
That have not known softness or weakness before.
The power of darkness is seen in the shade
In the shadows of enemies blood on a knife.
The power of darkness is strength, hardness, hate
That which gives us our safety in life.
The power of darkness has such a strong call
It will not let the light overcome very long.
The power of darkness does rule over all
For all know the night and the shadows are strong.
Pride
This is what we are proud of
Our ways and our cities our will and our fight,
Pride makes us stronger then those who’re without it,
People of shadow know strength and know might.
This is what we are proud of
Our culture, our cities, our ways and our law,
For a land or a culture, a civilization
Without law or hardness does show a great flaw.
This is what we are proud of,
The beauty that we have created since long
For beauty shows strength and it shows refinement,
The power of creating beauty is strong.
This is what we are proud of,
We know that we are the strongest of all,
We keep our pride and we keep our head up,
People of strength, law and beauty stand tall.
Starshield
Shades of Shadow
I never really felt at home where I was born and bred,
And nowhere there I was wellcome but frowned upon instead.
And no hard work or art of me earned me a gentle word,
But scowls and words of enmity were all I ever heared.
So then I left my home and hearth to move under the ground,
Where in the darkness secrets stirred, and danger was soon found.
And service then I lent to those who showed me that they knew
Appreciation for the words I spoke and showed me life anew.
And then when I was offered once to a new life a key,
Then I did take that change, that chance that they would leave me be,
But others do not understand why I would choose such life,
And did not wish for me to bend, and threatened with great strife.
So now I am despised again, as I had been before,
But I don’t mind for now such men don’t matter anymore.
My people gave me many days, and though I am still strange,
They will accept my art, my ways, and that is why I change.
Starshield
Diary of Ssussun-Kulggen, also known as Starshield, of the House of Auvyndar.
Written on the 6th day of the
warmest moon at the start of my joining of House Auvyndar, starting the third
year of my service.
I do not know whether to laugh or cry. I do not
know whether to celebrate or grieve. The Wheel has turned wildly, and what
once was down is up, and what once was up, is down. Confusion is first in
my mind, and gratitude, and anger, a great mix of emotions I am not sure how
to contain.
Starshield.. Ssussun-Kulggen.. Are they the same?
Are they not? I do not know. Did I die and was I reborn? Was I only given
a different color of skin? Am I changed? Am I the same? Was it for good? Or
for bad? So many many many questions...
One thing I am very thankfull for. My freedom of
writing, singing, doing. I can write in this diary, and do not have to fear
my words to be read, to be taken. I do not have to fear the mind's eye of
the Matron on me all the time. As long as I do not disgrace the House, I am
safe. And the lords of the House.. No, the males I should call them now. They
bow to me. It is strange. Very very strange.. It is a lot to get used to.
I need to write, to clear my mind. Now more then
ever. I should just see if I can find out what exactly happened to me for
I am so confused..
It was the time of the Summoning, the time when
all who know of gates to other worlds come to that nexus of gates, that place
in the center of the travelling, the Vortex. I was taken by the House, in
chains as was their wont, though I gained a bit of freedom when the House
ended up in a fight and after they had seen that I had healed those of them
I could help (cause there are some in the house now that cannot bear my healing
anymore, and I wonder what has made them so. They are out of the Wheel, out
of the Pattern..) But when they had seen I was to be trusted not to run off
as soon as I got the chance I was no longer chained with iron, only with glances.
The House had put up it's temporary place to stay,
and the faction had started to organise itself, it was a waxing moon, and
suddenly the Matron called all of my House together and told me not to run
underfoot.. This was my chance! I had wanted to see my people again, those
Vikings called the Havkhersir, and especially the lady Sigris, a powerfull
mage, in hopes she knew a defense against the mindlink of Nobael that had
been plaguing me badly with nightmares. So I decided to carefully move to
the camp of the Phoenix faction, of fire, where the Havkhersir were staying.
That way I would not run underfoot and I sensed the Matron was a bit too busy
to keep a close eye on me. Thus I went.
When I arrived there it was clear the lady Sigris
was not there, but there was a kind man, who called himself a Jedi knight,
and said he would pass any message on to the lady Sigris. I told him I was
in trouble and that this might be the only chance I had to speak without being
noticed. And I got overwrought and cried. I had held my tears in for so long,
the fear, the terror of the pain and the cruelties I had seen the House do
was growing too great to contain, and I spilled it all. Including the mindlink
to the Matron, the fear, the harsh treatment, the healings I should not have
done. And the Havkhersir said I was to stay. But I told them no. I would
not stay. The warriors of the House would come looking for me and they would
start a war over this, and those I hold dear, both those of the House (for
despite the pain they have given me I feel for them, I pity them, I understand
them, they are strangely close to my heart) and those of my old people would
lie in their mutual blood and all would be lost.
But one was there who saw this and would not let
go. His name was Robert, Robert de Spruce, and he was an arms trader. And
he leashed me and said I was to follow, and that i had not choice left. And
I defied and begged and cried and called him names, but he would not let go,
and he told others of the Havkhersir he would make me proud of my heritage
again and would let me go once I had learned such and this was over. But he
told me the next day he would sell me. And I told him I did not -wish- to
understand the ways of honor of my people and that I would rather die. And
he offered me his dagger to slay myself so that I would not have honor left
for my people to defend and the war could be avoided. And when I reached for
that dagger to give myself the fatal blow, for I was at the end of my courage
and full of grief, he pulled the dagger back and told me he would not give
me that chance and would hold me untill it was over.
So I was brought to his tent, and slept pegged
down in the edge of the tent. And the next day I was kept chained to the
central pole, so I could not run, yet the chain had been closed but not locked,
but I was too afraid to leave. And Robert spoke and told me he planned to
use me to start a war so his trading would benefit by it, for he sold weapons.
But halfway during the day the link with the Matron was used, where before
I had heared nothing and I had great fear, and the Matron told me I was to
escape. If I would not escape I would be killed, my people would be killed,
and if they could they would make sure there was great pain and suffering
all around. I -knew- this to be no empty threat, and I knew I had to try and
run. At that time Robert was working just out of the tent, and I found a
way to slip the chain away from the pole, and to gently and carefully pick
up my lute and book and ran. I ran and ran and ran, not once looking back
in fear I was seen, though I saw people look after me in confusion. I ran
right through the ritual circle where luckily was no ritual held at that moment,
right through the camp of water, right into the tent of House Auvyndar. And
the Matron laughed and said "Ah Starshield, you have finally come to your
senses". And as I looked up, I saw.. she had a white face, and was so ethereal,
and I saw the darkness shine off of her.. She had changed. And I was sure
I was doomed, then and there.
The Matron smiled. and I looked down, I knew I
should not look her in the eye, her displeasure of that is great. And I shook
and shivered and crawled and begged, because the fear was too great. I had
told Robert I would die for my people, but faced with that, I found my courage
lacking, and I bent. And the Matron laughed and was amused by me, and told
me I would be punished for running, even though she -knew- I had not run,
but was forced from the House. And I was kept with the House for a while,
first inside the tent, later chained to lord Veldrin outside. And I was so
afraid I did not notice much of the other things that were happening, I just
was sad. Then in the night, first a meeting was held, and the Matron spoke
to all about what they had been doing, and the lords of the House spoke of
what they had done. And there was a guest I did not know, he looked a strong
warrior, and he said he wished to serve the house. And despite my fear, I
felt great anger and grief and felt I should warn this man not to do as I
had done, for he would greatly regret it. And I spoke out, foolishly, and
warned him. And the Matron was angry and made me feel complete terror of her,
and made me run out of the tent screaming and then ordered me to return, the
fear making me unsteady. And I went back to kneel at my place, and yet I
felt the anger rage inside me, and hopelessness, and once more I begged the
Matron to kill me, and she laughed that she would leave me alive and torture
me that way, since I would wish to be dead.
I am again surprised I am alive, so great was my
hatred and wish to die that I tried to challenge lord Veldrin after the Matron,
and he held his dagger on my throat, but to my grief he never was allowed
to give the final blow. And then, to my great surprise, the Matron, who was
still ethereal, ordered the others from her and took me for a walk, of all
things. And we walked, on the surface, in the moonlight, the stars were twinkling,
and to my surprise, and joy, we walked to the ritual Circle of Nature, where
the druids meet. It was clear later to me that the Matron had wished to use
this circle because it was not guarded and not in the center of things, but
at that moment I was greatly surprised.
And there she asked it to me. It was so strange.
She spoke of having asked the Lady of Spiders, the One whose name I
did not ever dare mention, for advice about me. And the Lady of Spiders told
her She wished that the Matron would turn me into a drow. And the Matron was
amused by this, for she is greatly bored often and would see what her males
would think of such an action. And she asked me would I willingly go with
her and give up my humanity.
I saw the solution of the problems. My people would
-never- accept a svartalfir, a drow, as one of them. If I killed myself I
would still cause a war. But change into a drow, and they would repudiate
me, and hate me, and no harm would befall them because of me. And I knew Eilystraee
would look favorably on my turning into drow, but I also knew that opening
myself to the Great Spider Ladies influences might be a very bad idea. Yet
I had not much choice. I told the Matron I would cooperate, but that I would
never give up my service to She I serve, Eilystrayee, and that I would continue
to call on her. And the Matron to my great, great surprise, allowed such,
for if she had not I would have killed myself still. But she allowed it,
and more, she allowed me to call on Her whom I serve when she called on Her
she served. And this was discussed in that circle, and each of us circled
around the altar, each on another side, and each spoke words in balance.
And the ritual was done, the Matron called on Lolth,
whose name I cannot avoid anymore, and I called on her once, saying I had
always avoided her name, but since She was to change my body I could not avoid
speaking that name any longer. And I called on Eilystraee, and the Matron
called on her once, saying she had always avoided that name, but since Eilystraee
was to allow her to act according to the Goddess Lolth's will she could not
avoid speaking that name any longer. So I was changed, in the names of Lolth
and Eilystraee, both called upon in one ritual in the Circle of Nature, and
it was so strange, I would never have expected it. Why would these two Great
Ones work together? Why would they allow this? Why would they both wish me
to be Drow? I do not understand. What am I to the Great Lady of Spiders but
a problem? And why would She of the Moon allow my Matron to work her ways
on me? It makes me afraid. What is to be my destiny with these people? What
is to be my way?
For now I am Drow, and I find I have changed. I
have looked upon an enemy dying, a wardancer who had been hurt sorely and
normally I would have healed, but now, I stood and looked him die, and did
not feel remorse. I went to my old people and it was true, they will not accept
a svartalfir, a Drow, as one of theirs, but they will strive to continue to
keep relations well between my House and their group, or at least Thorfin
promised me so. For it is my group no longer, my people are now darkly colored.
Though, part of me feels my people are all those that are suppressed. And
yet.. part of me feels my people are the House. Which I feel I belong to,
and I feel pride, and strength in that House. And I feel anger towards Robert,
I went to him to speak of what I had done, and he did not believe me and told
me to go. Kettle was there, the Havkhersir innkeeper, and when I did
not listen to Robert's warnings he hit my leg, and told me to limp away.
I healed my leg, and he hit the other. I bound it, knowing I would not keep
much healing left, and I was confused and surprised and angry and did not
know what to do.
I did not wish to start a fight after all, and
Robert told me that if I truely were Starshield he would kill me anyways
and start that war, that I had not stopped him. And then I gave up, and left
limping, even though the males of the House were nearby, and I could have
called their help in a moment. My pride was wounded, and my anger burning,
but I did limp, and after a few paces, behind the tent, the same place where
I had run from, I healed my leg, and no one had noticed, and I left, as normally
as I could. But Robert has seen me play, later, in the inn, and I -know-
now he knows it is me, for who else would have my voice, sing my songs, and
have my lute to play upon?
And later there was a great battle of all the factions
against a Dark Druid who had taken worlds in his thrall and sucked up all
the power of the land for his own, negating all nature, turning it to grey
dust. And he was to be stopped. And at the battle I could not do much, but
later, when he was caught, and held above the ground so he could not touch
it, nor the trees, he was to be stopped by a ritual. And since I have been
head ritualist of the Havkhersir and knew much of improvisation I offered
to lead that ritual. And the ritual was a success and the Dark Druid was destroyed
with the help of all the elements of the Vortex and I had the gratitude of
the Circle of Nature, who had been angry when the place where the ritual that
had changed me had told them the influence of Lolth was still clear in there.
I was forgiven for it though, and am a more or less secretive member of the
Circle now. I will not lie about it but I will not call the Matron's attention
to it either.
The next day was the great battle, and I carried
the banner of the Elemental Prince of Water, of Leviathan, and tried to defend
it, though I failed as did all of the faction and the banner was taken by
the faction Gargoyle, who were too strong for anyone. But I did not die luckily,
nor did many others for the ritual of Peace was done just in time for the
battle to be an honorable one and not one of great killing. And after that
Kettle was walking with Sigris and laughed as he saw me and waved his sword
and called "ah do you want to limp again drow??" and then I felt such anger
burn through me, I would have killed him if I could. And then I knew my nature
had truely become Drow, and my passions are turning to the Dark Moon, that
even Her whom I serve knows well, though She also knows how to keep it in
check. And that I will have to learn, and it will be a hard learning. And
I then decided not to strive for revenge, but to try and make sure that Kettle
nor any of the other Havkhersir would offend me or my House, for if the Matron
would hear of it there would still be a war.
So I went to the leader of the Havkhersir, Thorfin,
to demand an apology. And he promised he would look into the matter.
I do not mind about this apology, but at least now the Matron cannot say that
I have let the name of the House be dragged through the mud through not defending
myself, and I have warned Thorfin to take care, and that I would not be able
to take insults anymore, which I had taken aplenty as a human from all, including
my own people.
And so I have changed, greatly. Pride, anger, stubbornness,
darkness, rage, all spin wildly inside me. My skin is dark. But my music still
sings. And though the light of the sun has turned much more uncomfortable
to me, the light of the Moon is still a blessing. I hope, I pray, that Eilystraee
will help me, to stay as much myself as is possible, and to keep me in Her
service, as I would gladly stay. And I pray the House will allow this, and
I am gratefull for this chance, and these changes.
Silly House Gul’Thoron
Italic is spoken text
He comes from the darkness below, shrouded in mist,
Then a bright thunderbolt lightens his face
It’s the battlescribe, Merwen the Battlescribe he ‘steps with
courage/runs cowering’ through the battle to record what
happened there.
Coming in his grey white cloak and flowing long white hair.
REFRAIN:
It’s the Drow House, that silly Drow House,
All dressed up in blue and black and they’re called House
Gul’Thoron.
It’s the Drow House, that silly Drow House,
Well they act all high and mighty but they sure can’t stand the
sun.
With the ominous clicking of chitn the great hulking figure of half
spider half drow emerges from his den.
It’s Arachnan, the drider Arachnan,
With a weapon in each hand and a scowl upon his face,
Matron digs his spider figure and he takes the patron’s place.
Dreaming in the moonlight, smiling at all, he lightens the
darkness around him.
He is Drekh’ahn, elder boy Drekh’ahn,
Smiling gently at each person but in battle he goes not,
With his kindness he survivied his brother’s dark and evil plot.
Long skirts swishing, the slender figure of graciousness follows
the House loyally.
It is Sha, healer Sha,
Who is learning to obey the one who’s carrying the crown.
And is she makes just a slight mistake she’s quickly stricken
down.
From the underdark he steps, following his duty, to prepare all
for his House.
It’s Shilterra, warleader Shilterra,
He holds every battle straight, and will never lose his head.
And if he finds out who wrote this then will surely soon be dead.
Questing for the Sword of Doom, eyes keen and ever prepared,
he wanders the surface.
Gul D’vess, Gul D’vess,
He guards very well his Matron and he wants the sword of
Doom.
If he goes upon this Quest then we will soon just find his tomb.
She is duality incarnate, though she leads, her changing sanity
is dangerous to every housemember.
It’s Rahasia, Matron Rahasia,
Her confusing mind is claimed by Llolth’s power and dark might.
But Eilystrayee also claims her, so that should be allright.
From the Wolves she comes, following the Moon, trying to bring
light in darkness.
It is Starshield, minstrel Starshield,
With her lute and with her flute she writes songs, but not like
this!!!
For she knows too well if this was hers her Matron would be
pissed.
NOT by Starshield
Song of Shadow
She holds Shadow, she holds Power,
She holds Despair and Anger stark,
She rules her people, whom for her cower
They are her children but her love is dark.
She brings Darkness, she brings Despair,
The Qu’arval Sharess brings bleak, bleak grief.
Night walks at her side, chaos is there,
Woe is the fool who will not believe.
She is Chaos, she is Pain,
She rules the Underdark as Greatest Queen,
She is Violence and many slain
In the wake of Her passing are ever seen.
She keeps Spiders, She keeps Force,
She holds the Drow as a bug in Her palm,
They are Her creatures and of course,
She might crush them with greatest calm.
So much Darkness So much pain,
Here I am, a bug so small,
So much Despair, I strive in vain,
Why try to fight? I soon will fall
Drow ending
But with such darkness, with such deep might
Brings to her people strength and might,
Such challenges as with her abide
Bring only more power to her people’s side.
Starshield ending
Yet in such darkness of deepest night,
In overwhelming show of might
In such despair, the smallest light,
Will even if hidden, shine very bright.
Starshield
Shedding the Shadow
A circle, a rite, the power is rising,
But what do I do here, should I not lead?
I feel the might, it is surprising,
Yet also feel fear, I sway on my feet.
Confusion abounds, the rite is ended,
In a hurry I close it, safe is the house now.
We then leave the grounds, timespace is bended,
The Matron she feels it, I see it somehow.
When we arrive in our city
She looks at me strangely, I cringe before her,
Her look is a knife, then she takes pity,
And I can no change see, but know it is there.
Exhausted I fall, collapsing in sleep,
All magic is draining, I did something wrong,
My dreams rend my soul, fear follows deep,
No dark my skin staining, I grow human ere long.
I rise unsteady, the Matron just looks,
A human she sees, no more Drow skin,
I’m told to get ready, bring pen and my books,
At the mirror I freeze, then hurry back in.
Back at the surface I feel forlorn.
The protection of dark skin has fallen away.
But worse is the purpose that is somehow born
In the Matron within, but what I can’t say.
Tread carefully Starshield, your safety is lost thus,
The smallest mistake will end all your days.
But my hope I won’t yield, there’s reason and purpose
My courage I take, I won’t change my ways
Starshield
The Crossroads
Lady of the moon, give me your guidance,
Now that I'm human will you listen still?
Was this your plan for what was to be hence?
Or has my favour with you drained to nill?
Lady of the moon, was I so useless,
As Drow female speaking your words and your deeds?
You show yourself now, but another you possess,
And I'm left to guess at what my Goddess needs.
Lady of the moon, she knows you too,
I’m petty and jealous and unsure to boot,
What if she speaks what I feel is not You?
How do I know if her words are Your fruit?
Lady of the moon, I know I don’t follow
All that you show us, for I cannot fight,
But she called on one who is evil and hollow,
Why do you then give to her all your light.
Lady of the Moon, I am Yours still,
I do have these questions, but know in the end,
You will decide and I act on your will
Just give me a sign at what crossroads we stand.
Starshield
Unto those of the
Shadow Platoon this message may concern,
Greetings!
You have maybe or maybe not heared of me. My name is Starshield, also for
a short time known as Ssussun Kulggen. Once in the service of House Gul'thoron,
I am such no more, and wander these lands by myself in search of those in
need of the songs and stories of the Silver One, who shines by night and helps
all create a life together in peace on the surface. I know this will confuse
you but you should know before the stories travel ahead of me, I have been
a drow for a time, but am so no more. A human is how I now must be to others.
I have been travelling with a group who wish to try and become the faction
of Light, and they have been true to those values and wishes but some of them
tend to be unknowing of the fact the color of one's skin does not give one
knowledge of the thoughts and dreams of a person. They believe all drow to
be evil but I hope such ideas have gone from their minds by now.
My health has been very bad so I have not been able to travel much. I think
the Goddess has other plans but I cannot read Her well now and we will see
what it is She wishes.. I will just have to have faith. That is why I thought
to write to you, since I heared recently of a group of my old people who were
changing, following the Moonlight instead of the Darkness, and I wished to
know if such was true, and if we could maybe help each other?
If the rumors were untrue then please consider this letter as not written,
since I have never meant any offense to anyone. If it is true then I am looking
forward to your answer, since I have missed my old people sorely and am lonely,
I fear to admit. Even in a group such as those who follow Light none can quite
comprehend the way a small light shines in the Darkness of the Underdark and
how carefull one has to be. I know I take a risk writing this letter but
as I can't help but dream the rumors were true, I remain, in hope,
Starshield
or Ssussun Kulggen
Diary of Starshield
Written on the full moon of the Moon of the Yellowing Grass in the second year of the drained magic
A strange period it was again, this Summoning of all the people and Factions to the Vortex, that place where so many portals are to so many worlds.
A lot happened, I thought it would be good to write it down so I can put my thoughts in order. All in all I am not unhappy with my new life since I'm no longer a slave, and also no longer trying to be a Drow and be accepted by those who were then my people. Being human again has it's advantages, although the disadvantages are great.
All my spells and healing gone, all my mana. All powers of ritual. No magic will stay in my body it all moves out immediately. But that is not the worst. What I miss most is my health. I used to be able to wander all through the land, with lute and drum and not worry about if I would make it to the next town. I'd just sleep in the woods if I had to. Now I can hardly walk across the length of the camp without falling over. It makes me wonder why, what I did wrong, but the Lady does not speak to me anymore. Have I done something wrong? But she does not speak at all, not for good nor bad, not to reassure me nor to scold me. Or even disown me. Or has she done that and am I not aware of it?
But enough complaints, I will just have to make do as well as I can. Luckily I still feel Her light inside me, the gentle moonlight that smiles and caresses the world so softly. So I was a part of faction Light again, those who stand for Chivalry Justice and Compassion, of which I'm afraid I"m closer to the Compassion then to any of the other ideals. But She has always known that and never found ill in me. So I should not find ill in me either. Neither do those of Faction Light, untill I met another Priestess of Eilistrayee. She was strange, a Drow but she does not wish to call herself so, she calls herself one of the 'Elves of Shadow' and I was convinced she had the light in her as well. She was called Ssussun Du'Yath and I met her when finding contact with a group that called themselves Drow renegades. She is strangely childish and naive though, gentle and helping but also sad if she's not accepted by others. And the Noldor elves who were part of the faction would indeed not accept any drow or Moriquendi as they call them, not even to just visit the camp. They did not believe Drow could have light in their hearts.
So the Noldor elves were upset at me, talking to Sussun Du'Yath, and I was not welcome in their tent anymore. That made me feel sad, lost, and despised again, renounced by all who should have been able to understand me. I tried to ask the Noldor to send one to speak with the Moriquendi and find out she really had no darkness except on her skin, but they were very closed about it, and careful, Which of course with their past I can understand, yet they are here, at the Vortex, and not everything is as it is at their world. I know most Drow are evil, but that makes it only the more important to recognise the little light that can be spread in the hearts of some of them.
A lot happened at the Vortex, there of course was a lot of fighting of which I kept myself far, not having any powers or will to fight anymore. I played music for all who would hear, and that was appreciated more then I've often noticed. There was a great tournament in the faction Light to choose a Champion, which did not only test Chivalry and fighting skills, but also Compassion and Justice. Because of all the happenings the tournament took it's time and at a certain moment there was a strange kind of halt to the proceedings: the Champion had been chosen, but like our understanding of the element of Light, the Champion was flawed. Our Justice was flawed.
It turned out that the Champion of Light who was a Noldor elf, with a brother had killed a Drow who had been a proven murderer. This was not that bad, but the worst was that they had kept it silent for a whole year not realising it would harm the Faction and the name of their House to keep quiet. Now that they realised what was going on they finally spoke up. And the Faction decided to speak Justice over them, so that the Champion could be purified and might perform his duties, if Light would accept him, and we could show that we could speak Justice in a proper and compassionate way.
I had gone to our Faction Household leaders, who stand just below the Lord who leads all of us, to tell of my past, that I had been Drow or Moriquendi as the Noldor call them, tell them I feared for what they would think or do if it became clear my Goddess was a Moriquendi and I had been one myself. And they had chosen me to do duty in the jury of Light to judge the future Champion. They did not tell me who it concerned, just if I wanted to be part of the jury cause I was more fit to do so then some of the others, especially with my past. Then I did not think strangely of such a thing.
But when this case was presented and the jury stepped forward I suddenly had my doubts. The Noldor might not accept me as one to judge them, and I wasn't sure I -could- judge them, and be fair. I was also afraid and sad. So I asked the Noldor Princess if she would allow me to be in the jury and she acceeded, to my surprise. So I did take my place in the jury. It was clear we did not think it was a bad act to kill a murderer, such a punishment would have been given anyways had it been brought to the proper authorities. It was the act of not telling us that had done real harm. The real fault had been in not trusting the Faction yet. On the other hand the Noldor had been with us only a year, and in that year they had changed a lot. I agreed with this, I saw how they were adapting. So we did wish to keep these two in the Faction, but a proper penitence would have to be decided upon to teach them more of Justice, Compassion and Chivalry, and to show them they had made the wrong decisions.
I was sad and distraught, and I was afraid of this great hate of Moriquendi that grew in them, so I offered as idea for compassion that these two should talk to Sussun Du'Yath but it was turned down by all others as an idea that would not teach them. The Noldor princess even said she thought it was offensive to offer that as idea but I was humble as I would have been as a slave so I did not bring trouble. If I had been more outspoken maybe there would have been trouble.. Yet a better penitance was decided upon, which I did not think was better then my idea but it was better then anything else so I agreed. Maybe I was a fool, or am a fool, to believe so much in Compassion. But I believe if people would learn to really -see- their enemy, the one opposing them, if all would do that, there would be no more war. Of course it is not an ideal that will ever come to pass, so it was not practical. The quest that was decided upon for the two, with the faction Light to help them, was to find the shield Steadfast of their people on which the code of the Unicorn was inscribed, the code of the Noldor that seeks to bring Compassion Justice and Chivalry.
I later told the Princess of the Noldor why I had offered the idea of the contact with a Moriquendi, because I feared the hate in them so much. I was surprised to hear the Princess forgave me for it and even invited me to play in their tent that evening for a gathering of ljosalfir as they were called with my old people, or elves of Light, woodelves and grey elves gathered together. I impressed them with my songs, and in between I was able to speak philosophy with one of the older Noldor elves and told him about my slavery, though not about my having been a Moriquendi. We agreed that their situation had taught them hate and fear and anger of all those elves with dark skin, while mine did not allow me such. A slave who hates and shows such would find a quick death. I had to find the good in them, but I realise most of them are evil. Especially those who I had served in the beginning of my slavery.
But maybe, very maybe my help has led to the happenings the next morning. Sussun Du'Yath came to the gate and the Princess of the Noldor actually agreed to see her and test her. She was wearing black gloves, in fear of being tainted I think, and called upon her Goddess to give her strength to see what was in the heart of the other. They both kneeled. I was surprised. When I was still a Drow, even though I was not evil, I would not have kneeled to anyone but my Goddess. Sussun Du'Yath may be naive and childish, but maybe in that she does carry more light then anyone else. And that became clear to the Noldor Princess as well, she was shaking and calling upon her Goddess why She had made her lie, not see that there were good ones with dark skin, and I looked on and cried as the Princess took the black gloves off. I could not help myself. Then the Princess embraced the dark lady and they stood like that. The tears were rolling over my cheeks as the Princess came to me and said she should have never doubted me, but I said, I thought she was so brave to look her hatred in the eye and still be able to see the truth. If you have been so harmed by the dark ones it is impossible to stand neutral to them.
That was the most impressive period in all that time. After that there was a great battle as is every year for the factions to show their power and might but I did not partake, I am ill with fighting. Then people went home, and I am still staying here a bit longer, wondering. Maybe I should find another world, one where there is less fighting. I have hopefully helped the Noldor see what was in one dark lady's heart, but there is so little else I can do there but play music. And it seems so little, such a small light. The Faction Light has so much other light of themselves, a small light like mine drowns away, and I am so ill and so tired. So I do not know yet what the future will bring, we will have to see.